I am decided to attempt to revive my blogging.
I swear that one of these days I'll get this daily writing routine down!
Except, I've been saying that since about the time I was 6/7 and went through a slew of diaries each with only 2-5 pages scrawled upon and half beginning with the oh-so-not-appropriate-appropriation: "I shall call you Kitty."
But writing does make me feel better in general.
Blogging has the unique and perverse problem that everyone can see it and no one does. I've never quite found a solution for this problem.
So often when I want to write I feel restricted by being unable to fully express my feelings knowing that the source or object could (and in some cases would) come across those unfiltered thoughts. And in real life I am almost never unfiltered, unpolitical, uncensored, unbiased.
The flip then is to express yourself, to put yourself "out there" and be exposed only to have the crushing realization that you continue alone in shadows despite your daring act of exhibition. Having worked up the gall to step into the spotlight you blink and squint through the glare and see only rows of empty red velvet seats.
And so it goes and so it goes. And I've yet to find that path that goes between.
Monday, February 11, 2013
Friday, September 23, 2011
Through the woods
My grandma's emergency surgery went well and she has stints in.
The doc says she looks good and should recover well.
We were already planning on going to CA next weekend to see her and my aunt.
We might go this weekend.
I don't decide that stuff. We'd go a lot more often if I did.
But it is expensive and just because I have no social life to speak of - my brother and sis-in-law do.
And she was preg for a long time and too ill to do much of anything.
And now they've a little baby.
Blah blah blah.
There's no point to anything I'd say here now.
I feel relieved but with none of the rush of well-being that usually accompanies that word.
The doc says she looks good and should recover well.
We were already planning on going to CA next weekend to see her and my aunt.
We might go this weekend.
I don't decide that stuff. We'd go a lot more often if I did.
But it is expensive and just because I have no social life to speak of - my brother and sis-in-law do.
And she was preg for a long time and too ill to do much of anything.
And now they've a little baby.
Blah blah blah.
There's no point to anything I'd say here now.
I feel relieved but with none of the rush of well-being that usually accompanies that word.
Thursday, September 22, 2011
Deci - decimated - deciannual
What is it about 10 years?
I just got a call from Greg. Just before I was going to head to bed.
Grandma's having a heart attack right now.
Oh. Wow.
Something I didn't really hear about emergency surgery and Aunt Lynn updating him.
All I can think is
No
I have a lot of thoughts but
No
I'm not ready. Still. I'm still not ready.
Not for any of it.
Not to be an adult. Not to be without her. Without Mom. Maybe soon without Grandma. Maybe soon that much more alone. Without recourse.
I don't want her to die thinking I didn't love her or thinker her. Ibdont want her to think I'm less fond of her but I think she does. I'm very worried that she will die thinking so much less of my love. Of me.
And that that's who I am. And why shouldn't it be this way?
So close to 10 years since she lost her daughter. An she never really recovered.
Neither did I but is that an excuse?
Issues I've had for years. But is that an excuse?
Plans to make it up. I was drafting a letter in my head. An explination. Words where the void of action is large enough to swallow me whole and diminish me and my love to nothing.
And no way back from the void. No way to go so far alone.
And unable to sleep and sore and shocked and confused and crying
And I have no where to turn. No one to listen. No one to care that I haven't ruined already with bitters.
I deserve resentment and withdrawal. And I've what I've earned.
It wasn't supposed to be like this.
I was supposed to be better before the world tilted crazily again. I dont have my balance.
I'm not fixed. I'm still broken.
There's still so much to repair in the rundown thing of my self.
I was supposed to go away, to be gone within myself, huddled against the hurt. And when I was brave enough to emerge again, whole enough to really be again, I trusted that everything would be as it was.
That people would be were they were.
That love would be unblemished, undiminished.
The world should halt for grief.
Grief halts the world.
But it moves petulantly. Achingingly. Bruisingly. Shoving forward where I no wish, no hope, no me left to go.
No
Not ready.
I'm not ready to deal.
And I don't want to be alone at the end.
And I only have myself to blame that I most likely will be.
I just got a call from Greg. Just before I was going to head to bed.
Grandma's having a heart attack right now.
Oh. Wow.
Something I didn't really hear about emergency surgery and Aunt Lynn updating him.
All I can think is
No
I have a lot of thoughts but
No
I'm not ready. Still. I'm still not ready.
Not for any of it.
Not to be an adult. Not to be without her. Without Mom. Maybe soon without Grandma. Maybe soon that much more alone. Without recourse.
I don't want her to die thinking I didn't love her or thinker her. Ibdont want her to think I'm less fond of her but I think she does. I'm very worried that she will die thinking so much less of my love. Of me.
And that that's who I am. And why shouldn't it be this way?
So close to 10 years since she lost her daughter. An she never really recovered.
Neither did I but is that an excuse?
Issues I've had for years. But is that an excuse?
Plans to make it up. I was drafting a letter in my head. An explination. Words where the void of action is large enough to swallow me whole and diminish me and my love to nothing.
And no way back from the void. No way to go so far alone.
And unable to sleep and sore and shocked and confused and crying
And I have no where to turn. No one to listen. No one to care that I haven't ruined already with bitters.
I deserve resentment and withdrawal. And I've what I've earned.
It wasn't supposed to be like this.
I was supposed to be better before the world tilted crazily again. I dont have my balance.
I'm not fixed. I'm still broken.
There's still so much to repair in the rundown thing of my self.
I was supposed to go away, to be gone within myself, huddled against the hurt. And when I was brave enough to emerge again, whole enough to really be again, I trusted that everything would be as it was.
That people would be were they were.
That love would be unblemished, undiminished.
The world should halt for grief.
Grief halts the world.
But it moves petulantly. Achingingly. Bruisingly. Shoving forward where I no wish, no hope, no me left to go.
No
Not ready.
I'm not ready to deal.
And I don't want to be alone at the end.
And I only have myself to blame that I most likely will be.
Wednesday, August 10, 2011
TRC: Part One: I'm tired of all these mf'ing snakes on this mf'ing plane!
Do not be fooled by the title of this segment.
There will be no such subject of interest, no such dramatic turn, no such internet fueled rocket to notority, no such famous black man.
Well....okay, you got me. There will be a reference to a famous black man. But none of the rest!
I have never flown US Airways before. It is not the preferred carrier of my company. It was, however, the only direct flight between Reno and Phoenix not solidly book a week and a half ahead of time.
Perhaps, that is some marketplace commentary of the last-resort nature of that particular airway.
For my part, the flight seemed more or less as any other, though I chose not to sign up for my free mileage membership....I assure you I will not be flying enough to need one.
What was different? The sheer number of characters on board. Did I say characters? Pardon me, I meant to say caricatures...they went beyond the bounds of normal limitation.
Probably the best character in the drama was one of the stewardesses...sorry, aren't we meant to call them flight attendants now? So she was so obviously OCD it was painful to watch.
She called out the boarding groups and would absolutely positively not let a single C go until she'd triple-checked that every last B had gone on. She's the only attendant I've ever seen actually send people out of the line to queue up against the reject wall.
And I'm not suggesting these were true line jumpers. Each time this happened and she kicked someone out of line, pointing to the wall, and would make announcements over the loud-speakers, there would actually be no one left or there would be only one person left from the previous boarding group.
Yes, I know, not preciously evidence of OCD right there. But how about when she almost had a meltdown when she realized two passengers had swapped seats.
I was witness to the swap. One gentlemen (k, not really but this guy gets his own paragraph and I didn't know better at the time) had already taken the middle seat next to his friend. When the man whose seat he'd taken came on board, he explained the situation and the man agreed to take the other seat, also a middle seat, just located about 4 rows back.
The flight attendant comes over, discovers this unpardonable treachery, and proceeds to hush-yell at everyone in the vicinity. She went on and on about it, turned to walk away, thought better of it, turned back and ranted some more. Then she did walk away and the Criminal Mastermind said "man, she was really trying to make me feel bad for something that ain't even wrong." To which his cohort replied "I feel like I'm back in basic training!"
(The two guys in question were Marines, if that makes a difference to you.) There was much speculation about her forcing them to swap seats before allowing take-off, but that didn't happen.
What did happen though was that she came back again and looked at all of us in the area (I avoided eye contact but the late-thirtyish-wishes-she-were-twenty-something-again to my left was caught by the Basilisk). "This isn't just me you know. This is a safety concern. This is a real issue! This is real! It's for safety. If the FAA, I mean, if the plane were to crash how would we know who's sitting where?! I mean, just think! If the plane crashes how will we know who's here if you've been switching seats!? It's real! It's a real problem!"
There were literal tears in her eyes and her voice was getting caught up. Absolutely no one responded to this display with even a head nod or sympathetic look, there were even some actual dropped jaws.
Realizing she was the only looney in the tune, she put her fists to her mouth, protested again, "It's a real safety issue", and left.
She mostly stayed in the first class compartment after that.
I understand the concept behind her point, however, I'd like to believe that in the event of a fiery crash to earth the FAA would use more forensics than my seat assignment to identify my charcoal remains.
Which gave me a million ideas for stories - how macabre.
But truth is stranger than fiction, and it reminded me of a news story I'd heard from years before about two girls in a bad car accident, one died and the other was in a coma, and they misidentified them. So, one girl was buried with the wrong name and the other girl was watched over in the hospital by the wrong family. Until when she woke up from her coma, they had her write her name and she wrote "Whitney" instead of "Laura."
(You can read a super long article of it here: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/23849928/ns/dateline_nbc-newsmakers/t/twist-fate/)
Other characters included a very loud, somewhat large, Texan, thick accent and ten-gallon hat included. He was probably in his late fifties and white. He alternated between very loudly proclaiming how cheap this airline was and poor in service (he was one of the sent to the wall for line-jumping people) and discussing politics. He made me smile though when he started on Obama and said, "I'd've voted fer him an' he was polka-dotted! Anyone would've been better after that Idiot! There needed to be a change af'er that idiot. Dumbest damn person (maybe pres'nt?) ever elected. And he a'int a true Texan, either! (Said almost with a gasp - the horror!)
But the thing about this guy was, although he appeared to be more or less directing his social commentary at a petite woman, perhaps 10 years his senior, the only way you'd know is that he was turned so the angle of his body included her in his realm. And, quite like a human typewriter, he'd glance down to be sure he maintained her undivided attention at the end of every phrase before hamming out his words straight ahead at everyone around for the rest. But she didn't appear to have prompted this discussion on either front, though perhaps that bit had happened before my arrival.
So, it was as though there were only two things in the world he cared for you to know, but he'd be damned if everone around him didn't know: 1. His ticket was purchased by a friend or he would never have countenanced such shabby treatment and 2. He was not, under any circumstances, a Republican. That last a phrase he said over and over as he walked down the main aisle of the plane to his seat: "Hell naw, I ain't no Republican. I swear. I am not a Republican."
There was also the very obnoxiously giddy middle eastern ditz boy with giant headphones around his neck and a laugh like a megaphone. He thought everything that happened was hilarious and had a piercing laugh that was 5x as loud as any other sound on the plane, engines included. He was probably stoned, he seemed the type.
Apparently, he also lost his boarding pass twice to the everlasting horror of OCD Attendant.
Reeling from the shock of someone daring to engage in mutually consenting adult seat swapping, she caught him standing in the middle of the aisle looking round laughing to himself. When she snapped at him to find his seat he said, "Well, you see, the thing is, I was hoping you could tell me which it was. I lost my thing."
To which she gasped, "Again?! How is it even possible to have lost it twice?!" She, having helped him replace his boarding pass when he'd got to the gate earlier. (Please note he had to have had it to get past security to get to the gate.)
He tried to protest, "No, the first time I hadn't lost it, I just didn't have it anymore." She was turning purple and told him to find a seat in the back, which made him laugh, then laugh even harder when he realized there were no seats in the back and so he'd have to sit in the front (near me, thanks.)
OCD Attendant came back checking for a "Martinez. M-a-r-t-i-n-e-z. Martinez." Annoying laughing guy was like, "Whut? Oh, me? That's me!" OCD: "Martinez?" very questioningly. Annoying guy: "What? Yeah. Well, wait. Maybe?" OCD: "sigh. What's your last name?" Annoying guy: "A-z-i-z" OCD: pause for a moment, "no." and turns away.
There was also awkward morbidly obese man. He sat back in his chair, in the waiting area, scanning over the array of people and making me feel like a jackass for looking in his general direction. To look near him without catching his eye was to be purposely avoiding him. To catch his eye was to be inappropriately staring. And, I am not saying that there's anything morally wrong with being fat, not really. I am a fat person. I am technically morbidly obese, or have been at least. I am sure that people have looked at me and wished I'd been sitting someplace else.
However, I just kept thinking how extraordinarily long and awkward the flight would be if I had to sit next to him. Or if I was him! Airplanes are the least amount of sitting space and you're sitting there for forever and there's very little to distract your mind from the sheer awkward of having one or more bodily appendages pressed squishily against your neighbor as the contact heat makes you sweat.
Perhaps it was just psychological projections day with him or my astute people reading insight, because based on his body language and attitude in the waiting area I'd say he knew preciously what people were speculating and almost dared them to it to force the uncomfortable self reflection. I mean the dude stretched out and put his arm on the seat backs of the people next to him. >.< And he talked in that tone of voice that I use a lot where you project and try to sound informed and/or too engaged in conversation to notice those around you because you're keenly aware of the extra eyes and ears on you at that moment (often easy to spot because the person you're speaking with actually isn't focused on what you're saying)....aka the sideways shuffle of shame down the way too narrow plane aisle because of courses you were given a middle seat in the way back.
My middle seat was actually in the front though. And as the girl who'd be to my right made eye contact with me as I approached, I smiled and she rolled her eyes and looked away. She was a stereotype of self-conscious fashionista (aka, not a beautiful face so she tries to make up for it with attitude and spent bank). She wore strappy sandals that wrapped around the ankle and lots of little rings, toe rings, and bangles - just one giant FU to anyone dumb enough to be caught behind her in the security line. She had an over-sized tote of an off-brand brand purse (not super high end but logo emblazoned on front). I'm not actually sure who the designer was as it just amusingly reminded me of petunia pickle bottom diaper bags (amusing for the diaper bag portion not the brand, which is often darling, if more than I'd spend).
She also didn't think the "turn off all electronics" applied to her as she listed to her ipod, wrote emails on her blackberry, and flipped through Sky Mall in a disenchanted manner. In fact, she only looked up from tapping her crossed much-tanned/tanner legs to gaze about her fellow passengers with the most fierce scowl of disapproval that could be managed without having to actually appear as though she cared or engaged with anything.
And then there were the couple of Marines sitting behind me. I was at first, as naturally an unattached straight young woman might be expected, intrigued by their presence. However, their many less desirable traits soon had me wishing them or myself to the back of the plane.
One would have guessed, based on the content of their unending chatter, that they merely wandered onto the flight by chance. They had to be at Ft. Somethingorother in Somecity, maybe-CA by 7pm that night. They didn't know where the base was, where the city was, if they had the names right, or even exactly how urgently they needed to be there. So they proceeded to question everyone around them as to this mysterious location and how long it would take to travel to various points in California. This was interspersed with their exclamations of how lost in Reno they were gonna get and how wasted (on marijuana and/or booze) while also they would have to leave as soon as wheels were on the ground to get to the base on time.
Example: Attendant (not OCD one, she was sequestered by this time) is taking drink orders. She asks "What can I get you gentlemen to drink?" thus interrupting some nostalgia exchange on getting high (like so damn high). Marine says: "Ma'am, how far is it by car to Ft. XYZ?" FA: "I'm not sure I've ever even heard of Ft. XYZ. Where is that?" M: "Ma'am, I was hoping you could tell me." FA: "You don't know?" M: "No, Ma'am. But we've got to be there tonight. Do you have any flights that direction?" FA: basically there are no more flights west from reno, she doesn't have internet to check it, but if they write down the name she'll ask the pilots "but what I can help you with is drinks. Do you want a drink?" They get some vodka and she goes to ask, pilots don't know either. They spend about 20 mins speculating that it might be south of San Diego. etc etc etc
All that would have been alright (aside from that they did not pause from talking for more than 2 minutes for the duration of the flight) but they were incredibly antsy, esp the one behind me, and kept kicking the chair, shuffling things around, taping, opening/closing the tray, etc etc worse than any child I've ever sat by. He also got up to get stuff or put stuff back from his bag in the overhead about 4/5 times. He had his hands and random junk in the back pocket and under the chair all the time and the seat was weirdly thin so it really felt like he was groping my ass the whole time.
But it made me smile to myself whenever they'd jostle Ms. Tewgudfer-u and she'd turn round and glare at them...to no effect or comment.
And! Of all damn things, the woman to my left knew where the city&base were located, how long to get there, and how but didn't actually turn round and tell them until 20 mins before landing. -_-
All this and more!
There were assorted minor supporting actors as well.
But, intrepid reader, there is no more time for the telling.
I have to get my butt out of bed by 5am tomorrow to be at work on time at 7.
I will try to continue my Reno non-adventures anon.
There will be no such subject of interest, no such dramatic turn, no such internet fueled rocket to notority, no such famous black man.
Well....okay, you got me. There will be a reference to a famous black man. But none of the rest!
I have never flown US Airways before. It is not the preferred carrier of my company. It was, however, the only direct flight between Reno and Phoenix not solidly book a week and a half ahead of time.
Perhaps, that is some marketplace commentary of the last-resort nature of that particular airway.
For my part, the flight seemed more or less as any other, though I chose not to sign up for my free mileage membership....I assure you I will not be flying enough to need one.
What was different? The sheer number of characters on board. Did I say characters? Pardon me, I meant to say caricatures...they went beyond the bounds of normal limitation.
Probably the best character in the drama was one of the stewardesses...sorry, aren't we meant to call them flight attendants now? So she was so obviously OCD it was painful to watch.
She called out the boarding groups and would absolutely positively not let a single C go until she'd triple-checked that every last B had gone on. She's the only attendant I've ever seen actually send people out of the line to queue up against the reject wall.
And I'm not suggesting these were true line jumpers. Each time this happened and she kicked someone out of line, pointing to the wall, and would make announcements over the loud-speakers, there would actually be no one left or there would be only one person left from the previous boarding group.
Yes, I know, not preciously evidence of OCD right there. But how about when she almost had a meltdown when she realized two passengers had swapped seats.
I was witness to the swap. One gentlemen (k, not really but this guy gets his own paragraph and I didn't know better at the time) had already taken the middle seat next to his friend. When the man whose seat he'd taken came on board, he explained the situation and the man agreed to take the other seat, also a middle seat, just located about 4 rows back.
The flight attendant comes over, discovers this unpardonable treachery, and proceeds to hush-yell at everyone in the vicinity. She went on and on about it, turned to walk away, thought better of it, turned back and ranted some more. Then she did walk away and the Criminal Mastermind said "man, she was really trying to make me feel bad for something that ain't even wrong." To which his cohort replied "I feel like I'm back in basic training!"
(The two guys in question were Marines, if that makes a difference to you.) There was much speculation about her forcing them to swap seats before allowing take-off, but that didn't happen.
What did happen though was that she came back again and looked at all of us in the area (I avoided eye contact but the late-thirtyish-wishes-she-were-twenty-something-again to my left was caught by the Basilisk). "This isn't just me you know. This is a safety concern. This is a real issue! This is real! It's for safety. If the FAA, I mean, if the plane were to crash how would we know who's sitting where?! I mean, just think! If the plane crashes how will we know who's here if you've been switching seats!? It's real! It's a real problem!"
There were literal tears in her eyes and her voice was getting caught up. Absolutely no one responded to this display with even a head nod or sympathetic look, there were even some actual dropped jaws.
Realizing she was the only looney in the tune, she put her fists to her mouth, protested again, "It's a real safety issue", and left.
She mostly stayed in the first class compartment after that.
I understand the concept behind her point, however, I'd like to believe that in the event of a fiery crash to earth the FAA would use more forensics than my seat assignment to identify my charcoal remains.
Which gave me a million ideas for stories - how macabre.
But truth is stranger than fiction, and it reminded me of a news story I'd heard from years before about two girls in a bad car accident, one died and the other was in a coma, and they misidentified them. So, one girl was buried with the wrong name and the other girl was watched over in the hospital by the wrong family. Until when she woke up from her coma, they had her write her name and she wrote "Whitney" instead of "Laura."
(You can read a super long article of it here: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/23849928/ns/dateline_nbc-newsmakers/t/twist-fate/)
Other characters included a very loud, somewhat large, Texan, thick accent and ten-gallon hat included. He was probably in his late fifties and white. He alternated between very loudly proclaiming how cheap this airline was and poor in service (he was one of the sent to the wall for line-jumping people) and discussing politics. He made me smile though when he started on Obama and said, "I'd've voted fer him an' he was polka-dotted! Anyone would've been better after that Idiot! There needed to be a change af'er that idiot. Dumbest damn person (maybe pres'nt?) ever elected. And he a'int a true Texan, either! (Said almost with a gasp - the horror!)
But the thing about this guy was, although he appeared to be more or less directing his social commentary at a petite woman, perhaps 10 years his senior, the only way you'd know is that he was turned so the angle of his body included her in his realm. And, quite like a human typewriter, he'd glance down to be sure he maintained her undivided attention at the end of every phrase before hamming out his words straight ahead at everyone around for the rest. But she didn't appear to have prompted this discussion on either front, though perhaps that bit had happened before my arrival.
So, it was as though there were only two things in the world he cared for you to know, but he'd be damned if everone around him didn't know: 1. His ticket was purchased by a friend or he would never have countenanced such shabby treatment and 2. He was not, under any circumstances, a Republican. That last a phrase he said over and over as he walked down the main aisle of the plane to his seat: "Hell naw, I ain't no Republican. I swear. I am not a Republican."
There was also the very obnoxiously giddy middle eastern ditz boy with giant headphones around his neck and a laugh like a megaphone. He thought everything that happened was hilarious and had a piercing laugh that was 5x as loud as any other sound on the plane, engines included. He was probably stoned, he seemed the type.
Apparently, he also lost his boarding pass twice to the everlasting horror of OCD Attendant.
Reeling from the shock of someone daring to engage in mutually consenting adult seat swapping, she caught him standing in the middle of the aisle looking round laughing to himself. When she snapped at him to find his seat he said, "Well, you see, the thing is, I was hoping you could tell me which it was. I lost my thing."
To which she gasped, "Again?! How is it even possible to have lost it twice?!" She, having helped him replace his boarding pass when he'd got to the gate earlier. (Please note he had to have had it to get past security to get to the gate.)
He tried to protest, "No, the first time I hadn't lost it, I just didn't have it anymore." She was turning purple and told him to find a seat in the back, which made him laugh, then laugh even harder when he realized there were no seats in the back and so he'd have to sit in the front (near me, thanks.)
OCD Attendant came back checking for a "Martinez. M-a-r-t-i-n-e-z. Martinez." Annoying laughing guy was like, "Whut? Oh, me? That's me!" OCD: "Martinez?" very questioningly. Annoying guy: "What? Yeah. Well, wait. Maybe?" OCD: "sigh. What's your last name?" Annoying guy: "A-z-i-z" OCD: pause for a moment, "no." and turns away.
There was also awkward morbidly obese man. He sat back in his chair, in the waiting area, scanning over the array of people and making me feel like a jackass for looking in his general direction. To look near him without catching his eye was to be purposely avoiding him. To catch his eye was to be inappropriately staring. And, I am not saying that there's anything morally wrong with being fat, not really. I am a fat person. I am technically morbidly obese, or have been at least. I am sure that people have looked at me and wished I'd been sitting someplace else.
However, I just kept thinking how extraordinarily long and awkward the flight would be if I had to sit next to him. Or if I was him! Airplanes are the least amount of sitting space and you're sitting there for forever and there's very little to distract your mind from the sheer awkward of having one or more bodily appendages pressed squishily against your neighbor as the contact heat makes you sweat.
Perhaps it was just psychological projections day with him or my astute people reading insight, because based on his body language and attitude in the waiting area I'd say he knew preciously what people were speculating and almost dared them to it to force the uncomfortable self reflection. I mean the dude stretched out and put his arm on the seat backs of the people next to him. >.< And he talked in that tone of voice that I use a lot where you project and try to sound informed and/or too engaged in conversation to notice those around you because you're keenly aware of the extra eyes and ears on you at that moment (often easy to spot because the person you're speaking with actually isn't focused on what you're saying)....aka the sideways shuffle of shame down the way too narrow plane aisle because of courses you were given a middle seat in the way back.
My middle seat was actually in the front though. And as the girl who'd be to my right made eye contact with me as I approached, I smiled and she rolled her eyes and looked away. She was a stereotype of self-conscious fashionista (aka, not a beautiful face so she tries to make up for it with attitude and spent bank). She wore strappy sandals that wrapped around the ankle and lots of little rings, toe rings, and bangles - just one giant FU to anyone dumb enough to be caught behind her in the security line. She had an over-sized tote of an off-brand brand purse (not super high end but logo emblazoned on front). I'm not actually sure who the designer was as it just amusingly reminded me of petunia pickle bottom diaper bags (amusing for the diaper bag portion not the brand, which is often darling, if more than I'd spend).
She also didn't think the "turn off all electronics" applied to her as she listed to her ipod, wrote emails on her blackberry, and flipped through Sky Mall in a disenchanted manner. In fact, she only looked up from tapping her crossed much-tanned/tanner legs to gaze about her fellow passengers with the most fierce scowl of disapproval that could be managed without having to actually appear as though she cared or engaged with anything.
And then there were the couple of Marines sitting behind me. I was at first, as naturally an unattached straight young woman might be expected, intrigued by their presence. However, their many less desirable traits soon had me wishing them or myself to the back of the plane.
One would have guessed, based on the content of their unending chatter, that they merely wandered onto the flight by chance. They had to be at Ft. Somethingorother in Somecity, maybe-CA by 7pm that night. They didn't know where the base was, where the city was, if they had the names right, or even exactly how urgently they needed to be there. So they proceeded to question everyone around them as to this mysterious location and how long it would take to travel to various points in California. This was interspersed with their exclamations of how lost in Reno they were gonna get and how wasted (on marijuana and/or booze) while also they would have to leave as soon as wheels were on the ground to get to the base on time.
Example: Attendant (not OCD one, she was sequestered by this time) is taking drink orders. She asks "What can I get you gentlemen to drink?" thus interrupting some nostalgia exchange on getting high (like so damn high). Marine says: "Ma'am, how far is it by car to Ft. XYZ?" FA: "I'm not sure I've ever even heard of Ft. XYZ. Where is that?" M: "Ma'am, I was hoping you could tell me." FA: "You don't know?" M: "No, Ma'am. But we've got to be there tonight. Do you have any flights that direction?" FA: basically there are no more flights west from reno, she doesn't have internet to check it, but if they write down the name she'll ask the pilots "but what I can help you with is drinks. Do you want a drink?" They get some vodka and she goes to ask, pilots don't know either. They spend about 20 mins speculating that it might be south of San Diego. etc etc etc
All that would have been alright (aside from that they did not pause from talking for more than 2 minutes for the duration of the flight) but they were incredibly antsy, esp the one behind me, and kept kicking the chair, shuffling things around, taping, opening/closing the tray, etc etc worse than any child I've ever sat by. He also got up to get stuff or put stuff back from his bag in the overhead about 4/5 times. He had his hands and random junk in the back pocket and under the chair all the time and the seat was weirdly thin so it really felt like he was groping my ass the whole time.
But it made me smile to myself whenever they'd jostle Ms. Tewgudfer-u and she'd turn round and glare at them...to no effect or comment.
And! Of all damn things, the woman to my left knew where the city&base were located, how long to get there, and how but didn't actually turn round and tell them until 20 mins before landing. -_-
All this and more!
There were assorted minor supporting actors as well.
But, intrepid reader, there is no more time for the telling.
I have to get my butt out of bed by 5am tomorrow to be at work on time at 7.
I will try to continue my Reno non-adventures anon.
The Reno Chronicles: Part The Overly Verbose Intro
So, a lot of my excuse as to why I don't update my blog more often is that there really isn't much of interest in my day-to-day life.
That and I come home and zombie out on the internet/fav tv shows and/or become instantly distracted by the preperation & consumption of food and my gray matter never sees fit to return to the concept.
So here I find myself, in Reno, with a laptop not my own (read work loaner> read they can track my every site> read even my StumbleUpon settings could produce disastrous results>read, wait, no, I think you've got the point by now) and nothing but time to kill until work wake-up at 5 am tomorrow.
Plus, I technically have something of interest to say. Or more interest than the usual, that is. Or rather, of *potentially* more interest than the usual. Which is to say, more of a general interest. Which implies it'd be of more interest to a broad readership base. Well, I have a narrow base and therefore they would perhaps be more interested in seeming trifles but of a very specific nature. But on the other hand, even my extrodinarily narrow base prob isn't checking in here. Leaving myself as the sole audience. I was more amused than usual by contemplating the events yet to unfold before you.
Therefore, using the powers of convoluted thinking and bass-akwards logic, this bog post should resonate with 100% of all readers and be rated as significantly more interesting than the norm.
Huzzah. Huzzah, Ladies and Gentlemen. Hu-freakin'-Zah! (Which is what I literally repeated aloud over and over in my rental car as I turned into the Self Park structure after work today...but that is a further segment than this one.)
So lets see how far I can get in recounting of my affairs thus far in the Oxymoron city.
That and I come home and zombie out on the internet/fav tv shows and/or become instantly distracted by the preperation & consumption of food and my gray matter never sees fit to return to the concept.
So here I find myself, in Reno, with a laptop not my own (read work loaner> read they can track my every site> read even my StumbleUpon settings could produce disastrous results>read, wait, no, I think you've got the point by now) and nothing but time to kill until work wake-up at 5 am tomorrow.
Plus, I technically have something of interest to say. Or more interest than the usual, that is. Or rather, of *potentially* more interest than the usual. Which is to say, more of a general interest. Which implies it'd be of more interest to a broad readership base. Well, I have a narrow base and therefore they would perhaps be more interested in seeming trifles but of a very specific nature. But on the other hand, even my extrodinarily narrow base prob isn't checking in here. Leaving myself as the sole audience. I was more amused than usual by contemplating the events yet to unfold before you.
Therefore, using the powers of convoluted thinking and bass-akwards logic, this bog post should resonate with 100% of all readers and be rated as significantly more interesting than the norm.
Huzzah. Huzzah, Ladies and Gentlemen. Hu-freakin'-Zah! (Which is what I literally repeated aloud over and over in my rental car as I turned into the Self Park structure after work today...but that is a further segment than this one.)
So lets see how far I can get in recounting of my affairs thus far in the Oxymoron city.
Thursday, July 7, 2011
Sunday, April 3, 2011
A good day :D
ENOUGH WITH THE F*KING DRAMA ALREADY
I'm totally exhausted.
And today was a good day. Let me tell you about the good day I had. :)
So, first things, first. I weight myself every single morning (I've forgotten a few times but hey, darn near perfect for four months or something). I gained a little weight today from yesterday, but yesterday I hit a new all-time low since I started tracking my weight loss.
So as of today I've officially lost 45.6 lbs since I started. I've had a major plateau for the last month, solid, so losing weight again is definitely a relief.
To be really fair though, I haven't tracked my food (and thus my calorie intake) for a couple months, so it's not surprising that I was plateauing when I didn't (still don't) have any concept of how close or far off my calorie goal I've been going.
I've almost lost all the weight I gained since moving to Phoenix. (I have old pants still, and I can button and zip them but it's uncomfortable and very unflattering - talk about your muffin top!
So, anyway, I've been thinking about trying to get back in the habit of logging my food stuff again. (I guess it doesn't matter after all that out of 5 people who started using losit along with me, exactly 0 of them still log. Though that does make it more interesting in it's way.)
Ok, so, went to Grandma and Grandpa's house for Mah Jong, which is always fun. Vanessa spotted me $4 (she did last week too) so when I inevitably lost it all to her, there was no bad feeling because it was hers to begin with. (She cleaned us all out! She won nearly $6! Considering we all start with $4 that means she took half everybody's money on average).
The Mah Jong league updates the card every year, too, so today was the first day we played with the new card. Kinda fun to start looking for new groupings and hands to make. It definitely gets much much easier the more you play.
Grandpa made me several of his utterly delicious cheese sandwiches. His are literally the best of anyones anywhere of anytime. They are sooooo yumtastic.
Found out one of my aunts does the Mary Kay thing, which is cool because the best base I've ever found for matching my skin tone is through them, and you have to order through a sales rep specifically, you can't order generally off the web site. So I haven't gotten any more. But obviously, it's no big deal if it's my aunt, and also it's cool that it'd be supporting her. So I may get myself some new makeup here sometime.
Greg and Vanessa and I went to Freddy's which was awesome. They have the most delicious steakburgers ever. Sooooooo good (I know pretty much everyone I know is a vegetarian now, but anyhow, these were soooo good.) I can't remember the last time I had a burger before this and I used to eat them all the time. So I guess, yeah for me, for making marginally healthier eating choices!
(I almost always have a turkey sandwich or a salad for breakfast/dinner & lunch/midnight snack and I've often been having an egg bagel thing for dinner/breakfast ) To read that the first item is what the meal is to me and the second is what it would be to a daylight person.
But the best thing about Freddy's is the frozen custard. That is sooooo delicious. I used to have frozen custard when we lived in the midwest. I'm telling you, it is sooo much creamier and smoother than ice cream, once you have custard it will always be emblazoned in your brain as the best form of frozen dairy product ever. YUM!
I'm sure I will have gained at least 2 lbs tomorrow because of today's expedition, but that's ok. "2 lbs, well worth it." (Original quote: "2 minutes, well worth it." can you name that source? That quote pops up in my head all the time, and the Icelandic accent with it. I wonder if the accent was at all accurate, actually.)
I soooo need to go grocery shopping, by the way. Because it's a million times cheaper to make your own eggs n toast/bagel than it is to buy it. And then I could finally avoid buying myself hot chocolate all the time, too. Which I'm sure is milllions of calories and sugar and also $$.
Anyway, I was excited because G&V were talking about baby names and they included me in the conversation and even listened to my opinions on the matter. Now, obviously, I do not expect nor should/will I receive final cut on the subject, but I was allowed to influence and persuade.
It was cool that their boys name actually isn't pinned down like we all thought it was going to be. They had ONE girls name agreed on and set in stone, but they've got like 20 or so different names on boys name list and pretty much all of them are ones I like. :)
Plus name etymology has always been really fun to me. :)
When we got back to G&V's place they invited me to come inside and hang out longer, which is cool, because it doesn't always happen. Sometimes they're just like, "Ok, tired. bye." or whatever. But I said I'd better leave them be and get home (because it was about an hour until Al was supposed to be off work and I knew if I hung out with G&V I'd be there for hours.)
Oh, yesterday I watched Inception and it was really good. I very much liked it, it was a right up my ally kind of movie. And it had some good actors in it. Plus Chris Nolan = best Batman movies ever made so, you gotta love and support the man.
Ok, well, there was a lot I was going to do tonight that I just didn't get done in the face of all that dramaramalama. Silly silly silly.
Will do it another time or not at all, I suppose. :)
I'm totally exhausted.
And today was a good day. Let me tell you about the good day I had. :)
So, first things, first. I weight myself every single morning (I've forgotten a few times but hey, darn near perfect for four months or something). I gained a little weight today from yesterday, but yesterday I hit a new all-time low since I started tracking my weight loss.
So as of today I've officially lost 45.6 lbs since I started. I've had a major plateau for the last month, solid, so losing weight again is definitely a relief.
To be really fair though, I haven't tracked my food (and thus my calorie intake) for a couple months, so it's not surprising that I was plateauing when I didn't (still don't) have any concept of how close or far off my calorie goal I've been going.
I've almost lost all the weight I gained since moving to Phoenix. (I have old pants still, and I can button and zip them but it's uncomfortable and very unflattering - talk about your muffin top!
So, anyway, I've been thinking about trying to get back in the habit of logging my food stuff again. (I guess it doesn't matter after all that out of 5 people who started using losit along with me, exactly 0 of them still log. Though that does make it more interesting in it's way.)
Ok, so, went to Grandma and Grandpa's house for Mah Jong, which is always fun. Vanessa spotted me $4 (she did last week too) so when I inevitably lost it all to her, there was no bad feeling because it was hers to begin with. (She cleaned us all out! She won nearly $6! Considering we all start with $4 that means she took half everybody's money on average).
The Mah Jong league updates the card every year, too, so today was the first day we played with the new card. Kinda fun to start looking for new groupings and hands to make. It definitely gets much much easier the more you play.
Grandpa made me several of his utterly delicious cheese sandwiches. His are literally the best of anyones anywhere of anytime. They are sooooo yumtastic.
Found out one of my aunts does the Mary Kay thing, which is cool because the best base I've ever found for matching my skin tone is through them, and you have to order through a sales rep specifically, you can't order generally off the web site. So I haven't gotten any more. But obviously, it's no big deal if it's my aunt, and also it's cool that it'd be supporting her. So I may get myself some new makeup here sometime.
Greg and Vanessa and I went to Freddy's which was awesome. They have the most delicious steakburgers ever. Sooooooo good (I know pretty much everyone I know is a vegetarian now, but anyhow, these were soooo good.) I can't remember the last time I had a burger before this and I used to eat them all the time. So I guess, yeah for me, for making marginally healthier eating choices!
(I almost always have a turkey sandwich or a salad for breakfast/dinner & lunch/midnight snack and I've often been having an egg bagel thing for dinner/breakfast ) To read that the first item is what the meal is to me and the second is what it would be to a daylight person.
But the best thing about Freddy's is the frozen custard. That is sooooo delicious. I used to have frozen custard when we lived in the midwest. I'm telling you, it is sooo much creamier and smoother than ice cream, once you have custard it will always be emblazoned in your brain as the best form of frozen dairy product ever. YUM!
I'm sure I will have gained at least 2 lbs tomorrow because of today's expedition, but that's ok. "2 lbs, well worth it." (Original quote: "2 minutes, well worth it." can you name that source? That quote pops up in my head all the time, and the Icelandic accent with it. I wonder if the accent was at all accurate, actually.)
I soooo need to go grocery shopping, by the way. Because it's a million times cheaper to make your own eggs n toast/bagel than it is to buy it. And then I could finally avoid buying myself hot chocolate all the time, too. Which I'm sure is milllions of calories and sugar and also $$.
Anyway, I was excited because G&V were talking about baby names and they included me in the conversation and even listened to my opinions on the matter. Now, obviously, I do not expect nor should/will I receive final cut on the subject, but I was allowed to influence and persuade.
It was cool that their boys name actually isn't pinned down like we all thought it was going to be. They had ONE girls name agreed on and set in stone, but they've got like 20 or so different names on boys name list and pretty much all of them are ones I like. :)
Plus name etymology has always been really fun to me. :)
When we got back to G&V's place they invited me to come inside and hang out longer, which is cool, because it doesn't always happen. Sometimes they're just like, "Ok, tired. bye." or whatever. But I said I'd better leave them be and get home (because it was about an hour until Al was supposed to be off work and I knew if I hung out with G&V I'd be there for hours.)
Oh, yesterday I watched Inception and it was really good. I very much liked it, it was a right up my ally kind of movie. And it had some good actors in it. Plus Chris Nolan = best Batman movies ever made so, you gotta love and support the man.
Ok, well, there was a lot I was going to do tonight that I just didn't get done in the face of all that dramaramalama. Silly silly silly.
Will do it another time or not at all, I suppose. :)
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