Good for you.
That is all.
Thursday, March 31, 2011
Friday, March 25, 2011
Necromancy, Usagi's long lost twin, becomes Sailor Sun
Another thought has occurred to me in the wild rush of mixed emotions currently bombarding my system.
For the setup to this thought, let me copypasta part of an im convo.
Allie: hahaha XDDDD weavermoon: ok Allie: OMG OMG OMG weavermoon: I know Allie: oh, lol weavermoon: it could be fresh blood
For the setup to this thought, let me copypasta part of an im convo.
weavermoon: Already
like
ALREADY
SQUEEEEEEEE
that's it
/done
because any more will make me froth at the mouth
RABID
YOU KNOW WHAT THIS MEANS???
A RESURGENCE
OF
FANFICS
but
I'm............
scared
or maybe
maybe it will be zombie
a horrible reanimated shambling corpse of what once was
Okay, so I know you're all probably tired of the Sailor Moon thing....if you're not now, don't worry, you will be.
But if you recall from my ASMR is dead post (if you read my ASMR is dead post...) I can't help but feel this deep connection between the universe of Sailor Moon and my own much smaller, far less epic universe of existence.
We've seen the rise and fall of popularity, unconditional love, and possibility together. And with Sailor Moon quietly entering into a universal memorial phase I was left facing the (probably unlikely since I'm overly dramatic) odds of my own mortality.
Or perhaps, since it's unlikely that I would actually die so young, the zombieish state of affairs going on inside my life.
Things, dear reader, have not gone so well for me in the last decade, but most assuredly, in the last five years. From bad to worse and every shade of desperation in between. I've given up before I've even started, and have yet to satisfactorily answer the "what's the point" or the "who cares" questions in regards to my future.
I guess I'm not a genuine self starter. I need someone to love me to love myself. I need someone to believe in me before I can believe in myself. I need someone to have faith and trust in me before I can follow through. I need someone to value me to value myself. I need someone to better myself for, to keep me going.
But ascribing zombiehood to a possible (ok, very likely) resurgence of the Sailor Moon fandom gave me a thought. Things are looking up in the Sailor Moon universe.
Maybe, just possibly, could that mean that positive things could be coming to my own life as well?
I mean, if the analogy and synergy works one way, can't it possibly work the other way too?
Maybe there's hope and possibility after all?
A thought, dare I to dream.
Moon Healing Escalation?
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42. But What is the Question?
My life has no meaning, purpose, or fulfillment.
Sometimes this is heart crushingly painful and leads me to the depths of depression.
Other times the distractions are enough to make even that chilling idea more than bearable.
Because, OhMyFuckingGod....
They are re-releasing the Sailor Moon manga starting in September. New cover art, new translation, new author's notes, translator's notes, retouched artwork.....and Codename V (never before released in English.)
They are condensing the original 18 volumes into 12 with 2 additional volumes of side stories. I'm not sure I like that editing move, but only time will tell on that one. As long as my "first season" romance stays intact then I'll be cool with it. SM did get randomly weird as Naoko progressed.
I will probably end up owning two copies of the re-released series. Because my biggest mistake at 12 was not having the foresight to know I'd need a set to remain pristine and a set to read ravenously.
I've actually been slowly purchasing the French edition of SM for a similar purpose (and to compare translations.)
I've always intended to purchase a set in Japanese, but those go for at least $200, and that's a hefty chunk of change to plop down all at once for something I kinda already own.
Back in the day, Dad insisted that I was completely wasting my money at $10 a volume for something "you won't even be interested in in a year." It's been more than a decade and it is the biggest hardcore fandom of my life. Serious people, Star Wars can take a hike compared to Silver Millenniums, Moon Princesses, and fighting evil by moonlight in adorable pleated school uniforms.
Also, the first volume of Sailor Moon currently sells for upwards of $270!!! Volume 2 will generally fetch about $100 less than that, and every other volume goes for somewhere between $30 and $70 a pop.
I'm sure the reissue will kill that value immediately. But! It just goes to show.
Anyway, obviously, I've been in hardcore unrelenting Sailor Moon phase for about a month now, and it's only been picking up steam.
I see that trend continuing until heart attack or depression, whichever sets in first.
Sometimes this is heart crushingly painful and leads me to the depths of depression.
Other times the distractions are enough to make even that chilling idea more than bearable.
Because, OhMyFuckingGod....
They are re-releasing the Sailor Moon manga starting in September. New cover art, new translation, new author's notes, translator's notes, retouched artwork.....and Codename V (never before released in English.)
They are condensing the original 18 volumes into 12 with 2 additional volumes of side stories. I'm not sure I like that editing move, but only time will tell on that one. As long as my "first season" romance stays intact then I'll be cool with it. SM did get randomly weird as Naoko progressed.
I will probably end up owning two copies of the re-released series. Because my biggest mistake at 12 was not having the foresight to know I'd need a set to remain pristine and a set to read ravenously.
I've actually been slowly purchasing the French edition of SM for a similar purpose (and to compare translations.)
I've always intended to purchase a set in Japanese, but those go for at least $200, and that's a hefty chunk of change to plop down all at once for something I kinda already own.
Back in the day, Dad insisted that I was completely wasting my money at $10 a volume for something "you won't even be interested in in a year." It's been more than a decade and it is the biggest hardcore fandom of my life. Serious people, Star Wars can take a hike compared to Silver Millenniums, Moon Princesses, and fighting evil by moonlight in adorable pleated school uniforms.
Also, the first volume of Sailor Moon currently sells for upwards of $270!!! Volume 2 will generally fetch about $100 less than that, and every other volume goes for somewhere between $30 and $70 a pop.
I'm sure the reissue will kill that value immediately. But! It just goes to show.
Anyway, obviously, I've been in hardcore unrelenting Sailor Moon phase for about a month now, and it's only been picking up steam.
I see that trend continuing until heart attack or depression, whichever sets in first.
Thursday, March 24, 2011
to be or
Slept for almost 13 hours.
All my aches, all gone away, and bruises faded by a shade.
Twisted ankle, lying in wait, to spring again come next work night.
My hips have lied, but all the same, I'd take that pain in exchange.
Talked with AC for 3 hours.
Laughed a deal, made some plans
The same old things goin' round and round and round and round.
How can it be now that I'm sad?
I don't want to know, not really.
Don't want to visit that place again, not today.
Not now, not really ever.
Time to avoid, to recede, to descend,
to be within
There will be another day, just not today
Now I have to go and not be.
All my aches, all gone away, and bruises faded by a shade.
Twisted ankle, lying in wait, to spring again come next work night.
My hips have lied, but all the same, I'd take that pain in exchange.
Talked with AC for 3 hours.
Laughed a deal, made some plans
The same old things goin' round and round and round and round.
How can it be now that I'm sad?
I don't want to know, not really.
Don't want to visit that place again, not today.
Not now, not really ever.
Time to avoid, to recede, to descend,
to be within
There will be another day, just not today
Now I have to go and not be.
Monday, March 21, 2011
Whut whut
So, I should make a post.
Why? Because I'm still up, my computer is on, and I'm, I dunno....already getting too long and rambly answering questions that only *I* am asking in the first place.
>.<
Dad and theevilone were here last week. Only saw them for a few hours on Fri night, though.
theevilone has been getting better at social interaction with the family, and if you didn't know better, you might suspect she even passes for homo sapien and has a working heart (even if only original Grinch size.)
........That is until she said she was "tired" and wanted to go to bed (they were spending the last night at the Grandparents' house...the better to be driven to the airport the next morning) and took Dad with her. Then she proceeded to yell up a storm at him even though we were all still in the living room and there was only a blanket in the hallway to separate the sound.
This is all par for the course and not even a particularly bad case and certainly much much shorter than most all the bouts I can recall. But apparently, V had never "witnessed" the theevilone's act firsthand before. She'd heard the stories, as she'd put it, but never actually seen it before "woah".
DAN has an iphone now (cheat! If I use all his initials it's the same as his name. Oh, Mom, you really were feeling cheeky at that point, weren't you.) This is good but he should have told me sooner. I've been going to bat for him for months now, dropping hints and the like (he was literally the only one without one at that point). I was just setting up to tee off for the evening's round of hint dropping, mentioning how Dan's current phone the menu buttons no longer worked...then Dad said "you mean on the iphone?"
So, yeah, I guess that bit is resolved peacefully and to everyone's benefit ('cept Dad's pocketbook as the plan is more expensive).
Did some baby stuff shopping and went to UFC at one of G's friends' houses on Sat. Got to play with the baby. That's always awesome. Liz + babies = OTP
I got to train all last week at work, so that was cool. I hope there are a bunch more transferees coming in that need training up. :)
Mr.ThatGameWhereYouPlayWithElectronicPeople (cheat, avoiding the name by giving you name?) is back from vacation this week and will be reviewing the questionnaires. I'll either make it to round three (interview) or not from there. Wish me luck, or hope good things for me, or you know, not, whatever, who asked you anyhow?
There was a Groupon for language classes and I really wanted to get it (they offer French and Japanese in addition to a bunch of other stuff) but I was totally bummed because the classes are all evening, twice a week, so it doesn't work with my work schedule. :(((((((
Speaking of randomness (as I always am) I'm totally annoyed at my phone/blogger, except I love both my phone and blogger, so maybe I'm only specifically annoyed at Blogger on my phone. Because last week I posted a response to one of AM's blog posts. But then it captcha'd me and it refused, utterly refused, to recognize any of what I put in as right, though I tried it about six times. But what's worse is that it won't let me back arrow back to my comment. So now my comment is just....sitting there.....in the expanse...trapped forever.
I don't know if that sort of thing ever happens to you, mythological reader(s), but it always annoys the crap out of me. There's nothing like picking out your perfect phrasing and then losing that just formed wording into an eternity of nothingness to knock the wind from your sails.
It's like, the comment hasn't been made so the space is still there for what I wanted to say.
The person I was going to speak to hasn't heard anything so from their perspective nothing's been said.
Etc etc. All of that is true, but it doesn't matter because your brain can now do nothing but lament the loss of that perfect turn of phrase designed to trigger a smile. And nothing you could ever come up with to replace it will be as good.
Even if you somehow pull out the actual original phrasing a second time, you will just imagine that its not the same, not nearly as good.
Le sigh.
White. People. Problems.
I tell you what.
Why? Because I'm still up, my computer is on, and I'm, I dunno....already getting too long and rambly answering questions that only *I* am asking in the first place.
>.<
Dad and theevilone were here last week. Only saw them for a few hours on Fri night, though.
theevilone has been getting better at social interaction with the family, and if you didn't know better, you might suspect she even passes for homo sapien and has a working heart (even if only original Grinch size.)
........That is until she said she was "tired" and wanted to go to bed (they were spending the last night at the Grandparents' house...the better to be driven to the airport the next morning) and took Dad with her. Then she proceeded to yell up a storm at him even though we were all still in the living room and there was only a blanket in the hallway to separate the sound.
This is all par for the course and not even a particularly bad case and certainly much much shorter than most all the bouts I can recall. But apparently, V had never "witnessed" the theevilone's act firsthand before. She'd heard the stories, as she'd put it, but never actually seen it before "woah".
DAN has an iphone now (cheat! If I use all his initials it's the same as his name. Oh, Mom, you really were feeling cheeky at that point, weren't you.) This is good but he should have told me sooner. I've been going to bat for him for months now, dropping hints and the like (he was literally the only one without one at that point). I was just setting up to tee off for the evening's round of hint dropping, mentioning how Dan's current phone the menu buttons no longer worked...then Dad said "you mean on the iphone?"
So, yeah, I guess that bit is resolved peacefully and to everyone's benefit ('cept Dad's pocketbook as the plan is more expensive).
Did some baby stuff shopping and went to UFC at one of G's friends' houses on Sat. Got to play with the baby. That's always awesome. Liz + babies = OTP
I got to train all last week at work, so that was cool. I hope there are a bunch more transferees coming in that need training up. :)
Mr.ThatGameWhereYouPlayWithElectronicPeople (cheat, avoiding the name by giving you name?) is back from vacation this week and will be reviewing the questionnaires. I'll either make it to round three (interview) or not from there. Wish me luck, or hope good things for me, or you know, not, whatever, who asked you anyhow?
There was a Groupon for language classes and I really wanted to get it (they offer French and Japanese in addition to a bunch of other stuff) but I was totally bummed because the classes are all evening, twice a week, so it doesn't work with my work schedule. :(((((((
Speaking of randomness (as I always am) I'm totally annoyed at my phone/blogger, except I love both my phone and blogger, so maybe I'm only specifically annoyed at Blogger on my phone. Because last week I posted a response to one of AM's blog posts. But then it captcha'd me and it refused, utterly refused, to recognize any of what I put in as right, though I tried it about six times. But what's worse is that it won't let me back arrow back to my comment. So now my comment is just....sitting there.....in the expanse...trapped forever.
I don't know if that sort of thing ever happens to you, mythological reader(s), but it always annoys the crap out of me. There's nothing like picking out your perfect phrasing and then losing that just formed wording into an eternity of nothingness to knock the wind from your sails.
It's like, the comment hasn't been made so the space is still there for what I wanted to say.
The person I was going to speak to hasn't heard anything so from their perspective nothing's been said.
Etc etc. All of that is true, but it doesn't matter because your brain can now do nothing but lament the loss of that perfect turn of phrase designed to trigger a smile. And nothing you could ever come up with to replace it will be as good.
Even if you somehow pull out the actual original phrasing a second time, you will just imagine that its not the same, not nearly as good.
Le sigh.
White. People. Problems.
I tell you what.
Friday, March 18, 2011
Requiem for a Dream
Let me just start by saying: ASMR is dead, may it rest in peace.
ASMR: A Sailor Moon Romance, was once the hub of the online Sailor Moon world, and host to literally more than 10 thousand fanfics and forums posted in by more than 13 thousand registered users...of which I was not one, TROLL even then.
I've been in a personal Sailor Moon deluge recently: Watching the PGSM (aka Sailor Moon live action) like a madwoman, d/l and karaoking Sailor Moon songs, using every ounce of analytics my brain is capable of to wring detail from every ink spot in the manga, discussing SM theory with AC, etc.
So, it all started with the fic idea that wouldn't die. It's only natural that I would turn and wish to revisit fics of old.
.............Now I am experiencing that hazy border between depression and nostalgia.
That giddy tumbling in the pit of my stomach that must come out in perverse laughter or a rush of tears. And it will....maybe not tonight, but soon, it will hit me.
I've slipped from a ledge I hadn't realized was crumbling, I'm free falling now, but the impact, however delayed, is inevitable.
It's not that the single largest archive of Sailor Moon fandom is dead. Or not that, precisely. It's that the new owner who took it after the original incarnation died in a server crash several years ago, has made it into a memorial.
As in death. Over. Done with. "There's no point now in maintaining an active archive." This was the message I encountered not only on ASMR but on almost every single site that still exists.
It makes me sad. It makes me long for the days when SM was at its peak and everything was still open to me.
Sailor Moon fandom reached its peak along with the circumstances of my life.
It's pathetic to say, but honestly true: the best times of my life were when I was 13.
At the time, I lived in one of the most beautiful places in the USA. I literally saw the ocean every day, listened to the waves at night, was awoken in the morning by the foghorn on the lighthouse a mile away. It was beautiful, peaceful, and resonated with me in a way that's difficult to describe.
I had best friends that completed and complemented me. They were interested in all the same type of things as me but in different enough specifics to be constantly expanding my tastes and world view. They were everything I could have asked for, and I seemed to be that for them as well.
I had a boy who loved me sincerely and deeply. He said I was the most beautiful girl he'd ever seen, and he never lied. Even when I'd moved away and we no longer saw each other, the connection was there. (I broke up with her because I couldn't talk to her the way I talk to you/Nobody makes me smile the way you do etc).
I had an awesome family. My mother who was healthy, alive, and the only person in my life to truly unconditionally love me. My brothers who were the right mixture of annoying and supportive. We were close to my grandparents and my favorite Aunt&Uncle and saw them often.
I was constantly learning, loved school, did well (though it's true even then I struggled with the willpower issues that later killed my chances at university and still petrify me when I think of returning for my degree). I traveled internationally with People to People, on what remains the best trip of my life.
There was so much hope, so many dreams, so much potential as well as actual current happiness then. Every area of my life was in the black and I've never before nor since achieved that level of contentment.
But the world of Sailor Moon fandom has declined to a mere trickle. It's reached its denouement. The world no longer cares. The cost benefit of sustenance has shifted.
And now I can't help but feel like it would be cosmically appropriate for me to meet my own denouement as well.
I was 13 and the happiest I ever had been or (sadly) am likely to be. In four months I'll be 26.
Exactly twice that age.
It's a macabre and odd feeling that I've never really had before, but I just can't get it out of my head tonight that it would be appropriate if I died next year.
I don't wish that to be the case, nor would I take action to make that come about. But with the loss of all those dreams, all those lost hopes, all that missed potiential, all the subsequent buried relationships, and with so very very little to have come in to replace it....How do you replace an ocean with a tear drop and call it even?
ASMR: A Sailor Moon Romance, was once the hub of the online Sailor Moon world, and host to literally more than 10 thousand fanfics and forums posted in by more than 13 thousand registered users...of which I was not one, TROLL even then.
I've been in a personal Sailor Moon deluge recently: Watching the PGSM (aka Sailor Moon live action) like a madwoman, d/l and karaoking Sailor Moon songs, using every ounce of analytics my brain is capable of to wring detail from every ink spot in the manga, discussing SM theory with AC, etc.
So, it all started with the fic idea that wouldn't die. It's only natural that I would turn and wish to revisit fics of old.
.............Now I am experiencing that hazy border between depression and nostalgia.
That giddy tumbling in the pit of my stomach that must come out in perverse laughter or a rush of tears. And it will....maybe not tonight, but soon, it will hit me.
I've slipped from a ledge I hadn't realized was crumbling, I'm free falling now, but the impact, however delayed, is inevitable.
It's not that the single largest archive of Sailor Moon fandom is dead. Or not that, precisely. It's that the new owner who took it after the original incarnation died in a server crash several years ago, has made it into a memorial.
As in death. Over. Done with. "There's no point now in maintaining an active archive." This was the message I encountered not only on ASMR but on almost every single site that still exists.
It makes me sad. It makes me long for the days when SM was at its peak and everything was still open to me.
Sailor Moon fandom reached its peak along with the circumstances of my life.
It's pathetic to say, but honestly true: the best times of my life were when I was 13.
At the time, I lived in one of the most beautiful places in the USA. I literally saw the ocean every day, listened to the waves at night, was awoken in the morning by the foghorn on the lighthouse a mile away. It was beautiful, peaceful, and resonated with me in a way that's difficult to describe.
I had best friends that completed and complemented me. They were interested in all the same type of things as me but in different enough specifics to be constantly expanding my tastes and world view. They were everything I could have asked for, and I seemed to be that for them as well.
I had a boy who loved me sincerely and deeply. He said I was the most beautiful girl he'd ever seen, and he never lied. Even when I'd moved away and we no longer saw each other, the connection was there. (I broke up with her because I couldn't talk to her the way I talk to you/Nobody makes me smile the way you do etc).
I had an awesome family. My mother who was healthy, alive, and the only person in my life to truly unconditionally love me. My brothers who were the right mixture of annoying and supportive. We were close to my grandparents and my favorite Aunt&Uncle and saw them often.
I was constantly learning, loved school, did well (though it's true even then I struggled with the willpower issues that later killed my chances at university and still petrify me when I think of returning for my degree). I traveled internationally with People to People, on what remains the best trip of my life.
There was so much hope, so many dreams, so much potential as well as actual current happiness then. Every area of my life was in the black and I've never before nor since achieved that level of contentment.
But the world of Sailor Moon fandom has declined to a mere trickle. It's reached its denouement. The world no longer cares. The cost benefit of sustenance has shifted.
And now I can't help but feel like it would be cosmically appropriate for me to meet my own denouement as well.
I was 13 and the happiest I ever had been or (sadly) am likely to be. In four months I'll be 26.
Exactly twice that age.
It's a macabre and odd feeling that I've never really had before, but I just can't get it out of my head tonight that it would be appropriate if I died next year.
I don't wish that to be the case, nor would I take action to make that come about. But with the loss of all those dreams, all those lost hopes, all that missed potiential, all the subsequent buried relationships, and with so very very little to have come in to replace it....How do you replace an ocean with a tear drop and call it even?
Friday, March 4, 2011
And the mediocrity sets in
What have I done the last couple days?
Sleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep.
Truly. For hours. It's nice.
Daydream about writing some Sailor Moon fanfiction (see my other blog for a rant about that).
Discovered a random manga online that actually pretty quickly pulled me in, called Black Bird.
It's your standard shoujo manga fare: Girl has a cute childhood friend who tells her he must leave but will return for her one day. This girl sees demons and monsters floating around everywhere. Then on her 16th birthday, they all start seriously attacking her, and her childhood, now very much grownup, friend returns. He reveals that he is the head of the Tengu monster clan (those stork-like things, famed for their handling of katana) and he's come to claim her as his bride. Because she, of course, is the Celestial Peach that: if a monster drinks her blood it gives them power, if a monster eats her it gives them immortality, if a monster marries her it gives his whole clan some sort of boost (I forget the specific wording now).
Anyway, I've been reading that in bits and pieces. And I'm not sure what I think about it yet. The way the mangaka makes the nose so small and placed high on the lead male's face though realllly bugs me. He's meant to look something like 20 but instead he comes off looking like like he's 10 most of the time. :\
Finally paid my bills, except one that I have to drop in the mail still. Which, by the way, when did it become the trend to not have an outgoing mail location at the mailbox where you pick up your incoming mail?
Does anyone else have this problem or is it peculiar to Arizona apartment complexes?
Seriously. None of them allow for outgoing mail. So that means I have to drive all the way to the post office (or find another mailbox) each time I want to put something in the mail.
>.< Annnoying.
Been watching some tv, too. But not a lot, actually. I've still got the whole week's Daily Show/Colbert Report to watch and that's one I usually will stay up to watch on work nights. Just shows how tired I've been this week. No tv, just crash.
Wrrry is there no Bones this week? It makes me sad. House has been interesting recently. I kinda choked up at the last episode.
Ok, I think that is all.
Oh, and V went to the doctor today, she gained a little more weight (yeah!) and they took her off mandatory bed rest. So now she gets to/ has to go back to work and school. But that's a good thing. That means that hopefully, the worst of it all is over.
I told her a while ago I felt a bit cheated because when I think what the most fun thing about having a pregnant V around would be, it's having her be able to eat. Seriously. She's even pickier than I am in a lot of ways and she orders the kids sizes when we go out to places and sometimes doesn't finish that. She thought that was funny (odd) of me.
Meh.
Sleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep.
Truly. For hours. It's nice.
Daydream about writing some Sailor Moon fanfiction (see my other blog for a rant about that).
Discovered a random manga online that actually pretty quickly pulled me in, called Black Bird.
It's your standard shoujo manga fare: Girl has a cute childhood friend who tells her he must leave but will return for her one day. This girl sees demons and monsters floating around everywhere. Then on her 16th birthday, they all start seriously attacking her, and her childhood, now very much grownup, friend returns. He reveals that he is the head of the Tengu monster clan (those stork-like things, famed for their handling of katana) and he's come to claim her as his bride. Because she, of course, is the Celestial Peach that: if a monster drinks her blood it gives them power, if a monster eats her it gives them immortality, if a monster marries her it gives his whole clan some sort of boost (I forget the specific wording now).
Anyway, I've been reading that in bits and pieces. And I'm not sure what I think about it yet. The way the mangaka makes the nose so small and placed high on the lead male's face though realllly bugs me. He's meant to look something like 20 but instead he comes off looking like like he's 10 most of the time. :\
Finally paid my bills, except one that I have to drop in the mail still. Which, by the way, when did it become the trend to not have an outgoing mail location at the mailbox where you pick up your incoming mail?
Does anyone else have this problem or is it peculiar to Arizona apartment complexes?
Seriously. None of them allow for outgoing mail. So that means I have to drive all the way to the post office (or find another mailbox) each time I want to put something in the mail.
>.< Annnoying.
Been watching some tv, too. But not a lot, actually. I've still got the whole week's Daily Show/Colbert Report to watch and that's one I usually will stay up to watch on work nights. Just shows how tired I've been this week. No tv, just crash.
Wrrry is there no Bones this week? It makes me sad. House has been interesting recently. I kinda choked up at the last episode.
Ok, I think that is all.
Oh, and V went to the doctor today, she gained a little more weight (yeah!) and they took her off mandatory bed rest. So now she gets to/ has to go back to work and school. But that's a good thing. That means that hopefully, the worst of it all is over.
I told her a while ago I felt a bit cheated because when I think what the most fun thing about having a pregnant V around would be, it's having her be able to eat. Seriously. She's even pickier than I am in a lot of ways and she orders the kids sizes when we go out to places and sometimes doesn't finish that. She thought that was funny (odd) of me.
Meh.
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
Other random shite
As the post declares:
Lost my hearing almost completely in my right ear. Didn't have time to "fix" it before work as I was already running late. It was driving me nuts all night. That inner echo like being underwater, but only half way. Perpetually being unable to pop your ears even as you hear the pop snap pop snap pop snap of your dislocating jaw as you try.
But anyhow, I found my waterpik after heart-stopping moments of panicked assurity that'd I'd left it sitting on the bathroom counter behind the now closed to me forever door of my old place.
Oh snap, assurity is not actually a word? How's that. :| Alright then, assuredness or surety, but no assurity.
I can now hear out of both my ears and it's pretty awesome.
Some person, defecated in the stow mod at work...twice.
Yeah, someone took a crap on the floor, at work, right there between the library shelves and the conveyor belt. Then a couple paces away, they did it again.
Wtf, people. For reals.
Updated my benefits info with a new primary care physician number, even though I haven't actually called this new physician yet to be sure he'd accept me as a new patient. I did this when I first signed up and then got a letter from Aetna telling me that although I was still technically covered and all, they couldn't print me my cards until I'd made another election and sent that to them as the PCP I'd chosen wasn't accepting new patients. (Her site said she was, but no matter.)
Just under the wire with this whole thing, as usual, since open enrollment ends on the 2nd. Which is today in normal people terms, still tomorrow in relative to Liz terms. I need to call the doc and confirm that they'll accept me, but now I'm worried that since I went ahead and updated my info anyhow, that I'll lose the momentum to do it and will instead ignore it.
We shall see.
Also, changed my address...wtf, Post Office. $20?! That's an awful lot of a fee for a simple service. I seem to recall the last time I changed my address that it was more along the lines of $2. An arbitrary minor charge amount because having some sort of credit card in your name and address is a verification that it's really you wanting to change addresses.
Before it was free if you went in person, I don't know if it still is. I was tempted when I saw how much the fee was, but I also knew that meant my mail wouldn't get changed over for a week at least with my schedule and laziness. And I'm already left to wonder what sort of mail got delivered to my old address today and if it's important and if I'll ever see it.
Along those lines, I haven't gotten any mail at my new place yet, although I think I was supposed to be receiving something or other.
Like my rent statement. I don't have that and I need to pay it. So that's another get up early before work to take care of things. There have been farrrr too many of those recently.
That's how I only got 4 hrs of sleep on Sun and 6 hrs the next etc.
Got stopped by a train on the way to work today. It's been forever since I happened to be at the train tracks when a train came by, and it had to happen on the day I was already running really late. I got clocked in with 1 min to spare, and I didn't even put my lunch in the fridge.
Been having crazy and vivid dreams recently. All of them have been pretty somber (though not devastating or terrifying or anything.)
I don't actually feel sad in my waking life, right now at least.
Things have been alright and there's so much potiential to get better. We'll see.
Sad as it may be, I really feel that at least 80% of this new found emotional even keel is due to V's being, well, due. I'm so excited about being an aunt and having a little one in my life. I can't wait for it all. I know it never works how you plan it, or think it will go, etc. But I'm really looking forward to reading with the kid and introducing it to random stuff I love, like Sailor Moon. It's a whole new reason to be and do and think and feel. The idea of this kid has given me a firm foothold on the very unstable ground of "what am I doing here?"
Hopefully it pans out to be at least half as cool as I'm hoping. I love that G&V had at least toyed with the idea of having me be their child care. If only that worked out financially for me. :(
G had said something along the lines of "Liz's rent is about how much child care would cost us anyhow." But then it keeps coming back to me not having money for food and gas and phone/tv/everything else. I had said I could quit Amazon and go back to school full time (or when V isn't I guess?) but that doesn't fix the money thing, since fin aid pays for classes, not living expenses. :(((
I do have money in that GET account and that does allow for life expenses to be drawn from it, provided the person is a current student. But there's a cap on how much can be put towards that and I know it's low but I don't remember how much.
Maybe if it turns out that that's a liveable amount, then I could use the GET for living expenses, fin aid for classes, and G&V would pay me enough to cover my rent. And then I could do something I love for the next few years. Sounds too good to be true, so it will be, and it won't work out that way. But it's something to look into anyhow.
If the GET amount is reasonable, then I'd ask G&V how serious they are about paying me to be full time child care for them. It would be cool, but I'm definitely not counting on it.
I need to get to sleep (two hours ago!!)
I'm still getting up exhausted thanks to the tiny amount of sleep I got at the beginning of the week.
TGIF though. At least "Friday" as in, I don't have to go to work again until next week after tomorrow (that's tonight for you people).
Sleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep.
No time to craft an email to AC or to AM (who still hasn't written back about the previous email. Annoyed? Or just busy. I will ponder it forever...literally.)
'Specially since I'm obviously rather rambally these days.
But what else is new, eh?
Also randomly into italics in the last few posts.
Lost my hearing almost completely in my right ear. Didn't have time to "fix" it before work as I was already running late. It was driving me nuts all night. That inner echo like being underwater, but only half way. Perpetually being unable to pop your ears even as you hear the pop snap pop snap pop snap of your dislocating jaw as you try.
But anyhow, I found my waterpik after heart-stopping moments of panicked assurity that'd I'd left it sitting on the bathroom counter behind the now closed to me forever door of my old place.
Oh snap, assurity is not actually a word? How's that. :| Alright then, assuredness or surety, but no assurity.
I can now hear out of both my ears and it's pretty awesome.
Some person, defecated in the stow mod at work...twice.
Yeah, someone took a crap on the floor, at work, right there between the library shelves and the conveyor belt. Then a couple paces away, they did it again.
Wtf, people. For reals.
Updated my benefits info with a new primary care physician number, even though I haven't actually called this new physician yet to be sure he'd accept me as a new patient. I did this when I first signed up and then got a letter from Aetna telling me that although I was still technically covered and all, they couldn't print me my cards until I'd made another election and sent that to them as the PCP I'd chosen wasn't accepting new patients. (Her site said she was, but no matter.)
Just under the wire with this whole thing, as usual, since open enrollment ends on the 2nd. Which is today in normal people terms, still tomorrow in relative to Liz terms. I need to call the doc and confirm that they'll accept me, but now I'm worried that since I went ahead and updated my info anyhow, that I'll lose the momentum to do it and will instead ignore it.
We shall see.
Also, changed my address...wtf, Post Office. $20?! That's an awful lot of a fee for a simple service. I seem to recall the last time I changed my address that it was more along the lines of $2. An arbitrary minor charge amount because having some sort of credit card in your name and address is a verification that it's really you wanting to change addresses.
Before it was free if you went in person, I don't know if it still is. I was tempted when I saw how much the fee was, but I also knew that meant my mail wouldn't get changed over for a week at least with my schedule and laziness. And I'm already left to wonder what sort of mail got delivered to my old address today and if it's important and if I'll ever see it.
Along those lines, I haven't gotten any mail at my new place yet, although I think I was supposed to be receiving something or other.
Like my rent statement. I don't have that and I need to pay it. So that's another get up early before work to take care of things. There have been farrrr too many of those recently.
That's how I only got 4 hrs of sleep on Sun and 6 hrs the next etc.
Got stopped by a train on the way to work today. It's been forever since I happened to be at the train tracks when a train came by, and it had to happen on the day I was already running really late. I got clocked in with 1 min to spare, and I didn't even put my lunch in the fridge.
Been having crazy and vivid dreams recently. All of them have been pretty somber (though not devastating or terrifying or anything.)
I don't actually feel sad in my waking life, right now at least.
Things have been alright and there's so much potiential to get better. We'll see.
Sad as it may be, I really feel that at least 80% of this new found emotional even keel is due to V's being, well, due. I'm so excited about being an aunt and having a little one in my life. I can't wait for it all. I know it never works how you plan it, or think it will go, etc. But I'm really looking forward to reading with the kid and introducing it to random stuff I love, like Sailor Moon. It's a whole new reason to be and do and think and feel. The idea of this kid has given me a firm foothold on the very unstable ground of "what am I doing here?"
Hopefully it pans out to be at least half as cool as I'm hoping. I love that G&V had at least toyed with the idea of having me be their child care. If only that worked out financially for me. :(
G had said something along the lines of "Liz's rent is about how much child care would cost us anyhow." But then it keeps coming back to me not having money for food and gas and phone/tv/everything else. I had said I could quit Amazon and go back to school full time (or when V isn't I guess?) but that doesn't fix the money thing, since fin aid pays for classes, not living expenses. :(((
I do have money in that GET account and that does allow for life expenses to be drawn from it, provided the person is a current student. But there's a cap on how much can be put towards that and I know it's low but I don't remember how much.
Maybe if it turns out that that's a liveable amount, then I could use the GET for living expenses, fin aid for classes, and G&V would pay me enough to cover my rent. And then I could do something I love for the next few years. Sounds too good to be true, so it will be, and it won't work out that way. But it's something to look into anyhow.
If the GET amount is reasonable, then I'd ask G&V how serious they are about paying me to be full time child care for them. It would be cool, but I'm definitely not counting on it.
I need to get to sleep (two hours ago!!)
I'm still getting up exhausted thanks to the tiny amount of sleep I got at the beginning of the week.
TGIF though. At least "Friday" as in, I don't have to go to work again until next week after tomorrow (that's tonight for you people).
Sleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep.
No time to craft an email to AC or to AM (who still hasn't written back about the previous email. Annoyed? Or just busy. I will ponder it forever...literally.)
'Specially since I'm obviously rather rambally these days.
But what else is new, eh?
Also randomly into italics in the last few posts.
No Entrance
How many times do I sit down to write something about my day(s) and start out with "man, it's been a crazy week"?
Like, woah.
I'm sure fully half my emails to AM start this way, and literally every time I look back and see that I think "Well, it was maybe a bit of hyperbole there, but *this* week truly was crazy."
Anyhoo, I'm slowly catching up on the sleep debt I've been whole-heartedly incurring from the beginning of the week.
Finished moving the very last of my crap from my apartment to my car on late Sat/early Sun. Have yet to successfully move more than five things since from the car to the apartment.
So, yes, I've been driving to and from work everyday with a ton of realllly random crap in the car and a lamp jabbing me in the shoulder when I brake.
Moved the lamp out tonight. But still nothing else. lawl.
Yesterday, (that means Mon/Tues to you normal folk as today is Tues/Wed. In my world, it is not tomorrow until I've slept and woken up) some anonymous ass-shat at work stole my lunch.
Yes, that's right, stole. my. fucking. lunch! Waaaah waaaah waaaah.
It somehow feels even worse because of the timing of it.
What I mean is, my shift is the first night shift to have lunch. This means that whatever jerkwad STOLE MY LUNCH had to have either done it on their way out of the building to go home or took it on our first break to have as a "snack".
I was so shocked that my delicious, delicious turkey sandwich wasn't just where I had left it, that I literally left only to return and check again if maybe it wasn't just hiding somewhere, about 4/5 times.
le sigh.
I've also been randomly getting injured a lot recently. I am a mass of minor cuts, scrapes, and bruises. None of which are serious business or anything, but all of which twinge me regularly throughout the day.
Work has been going fine. I've been getting lots of compliments lately for how well prep is running. (Thank god, as this means they're even less likely to try and move me out of there.)
Found out a ridiculous amount of people applied for the trainer position (more than 50 was the closest to an actual number I got) and many from the other buildings as well. I've heard that they might be giving us all a survey to fill out to narrow down the potential candidates further before scheduling interviews.
We'll see what happens with that.
Turned in my keys to my old place, so I can never return there again. Thus the title of my post.
Because, no matter how little time I spent there in the runup to the end of my lease, and no matter how little fondness I held for the place by the end, and no matter how much more ridiculously awesome in every single measurable and unmeasurable way my new place is...yes, despite all that, as soon as the keys thumped on the desk in front of the office manager, I wanted very much to just go back to my apartment and spend some time there. Just to be doubly, triply, quadrupedally, quintupally, etc sure that I hadn't left anything there and I really was sick of cleaning.
It's that whole, leaving a hotel room thing. I've always been that way. Triple checking the bathroom drawers, under the bed, etc., leaving into the hall, then stopping in a moment of panic to rush back in and check, just that one more time. And there's always a feeling of loss or loathe to part with-ed-ness to give back that key.
Whatever. End of an era. Beginning of a new and (pray God or whatever passes) continually improved one.
Like, woah.
I'm sure fully half my emails to AM start this way, and literally every time I look back and see that I think "Well, it was maybe a bit of hyperbole there, but *this* week truly was crazy."
Anyhoo, I'm slowly catching up on the sleep debt I've been whole-heartedly incurring from the beginning of the week.
Finished moving the very last of my crap from my apartment to my car on late Sat/early Sun. Have yet to successfully move more than five things since from the car to the apartment.
So, yes, I've been driving to and from work everyday with a ton of realllly random crap in the car and a lamp jabbing me in the shoulder when I brake.
Moved the lamp out tonight. But still nothing else. lawl.
Yesterday, (that means Mon/Tues to you normal folk as today is Tues/Wed. In my world, it is not tomorrow until I've slept and woken up) some anonymous ass-shat at work stole my lunch.
Yes, that's right, stole. my. fucking. lunch! Waaaah waaaah waaaah.
It somehow feels even worse because of the timing of it.
What I mean is, my shift is the first night shift to have lunch. This means that whatever jerkwad STOLE MY LUNCH had to have either done it on their way out of the building to go home or took it on our first break to have as a "snack".
I was so shocked that my delicious, delicious turkey sandwich wasn't just where I had left it, that I literally left only to return and check again if maybe it wasn't just hiding somewhere, about 4/5 times.
le sigh.
I've also been randomly getting injured a lot recently. I am a mass of minor cuts, scrapes, and bruises. None of which are serious business or anything, but all of which twinge me regularly throughout the day.
Work has been going fine. I've been getting lots of compliments lately for how well prep is running. (Thank god, as this means they're even less likely to try and move me out of there.)
Found out a ridiculous amount of people applied for the trainer position (more than 50 was the closest to an actual number I got) and many from the other buildings as well. I've heard that they might be giving us all a survey to fill out to narrow down the potential candidates further before scheduling interviews.
We'll see what happens with that.
Turned in my keys to my old place, so I can never return there again. Thus the title of my post.
Because, no matter how little time I spent there in the runup to the end of my lease, and no matter how little fondness I held for the place by the end, and no matter how much more ridiculously awesome in every single measurable and unmeasurable way my new place is...yes, despite all that, as soon as the keys thumped on the desk in front of the office manager, I wanted very much to just go back to my apartment and spend some time there. Just to be doubly, triply, quadrupedally, quintupally, etc sure that I hadn't left anything there and I really was sick of cleaning.
It's that whole, leaving a hotel room thing. I've always been that way. Triple checking the bathroom drawers, under the bed, etc., leaving into the hall, then stopping in a moment of panic to rush back in and check, just that one more time. And there's always a feeling of loss or loathe to part with-ed-ness to give back that key.
Whatever. End of an era. Beginning of a new and (pray God or whatever passes) continually improved one.
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